The complete and honest guide to every boxing weight class

[racer59]

JR. FLYWEIGHT - RING ****ZINE RANKINGS
CHAMPION: DONNIE NIETES
1. PEDRO GUEVARA
2. RYOICHI TAGUCHI
3. JAVIER MENDOZA
4. RANDY PETALCORIN
5. RAUL GARCIA
6. MILAN MELINDO
7. ALBERTO ROSSEL
8. REY LORETTO
9. FRANCISCO RODRIGUEZ
10. JONATHAN TACONING


One thing that immediately struck me about this division - 7.7 stone, I was that weight when I was about ten - is that at least half of them look like raving ****s on their Ring pics. Maybe that's what you have to be to get in this division, I don't know. Take a look to see what I mean:


"Hey, you like cock like me? Call me for good time, 0800-111-RIMMING. I love you long time."



"Oh, pleeeease, HONEY! Just give me all of that big cock in my ASS right now!"



"I like to mucho mucho suck on balls, senor."



"Mmmmmmmmmmm, I have cum in my mouth right now, girlfriend!"


One thing people say in situations like this is "you wouldn't say that to their face." I think in this case, I might.

Half of these ****s could have played Ant-Man without special effects... does anyone even watch these dwarves in action?


VERDICT: Who knows?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Fucking hell, Annie. You fuggen beta, ****. Somewhere, Dylan Thomas is laughing his ass off....and sticking two fingers up Noel Cowards ass.

[!! Anorak]

I was gonna call someone a "fuggen beta" in real life the other day, then caught myself.

[Beercules]

I was gonna call someone a "fuggen beta" in real life the other day, then caught myself.

[!! Anorak]

STRAWWEIGHT - RING ****ZINE RATINGS
CHAMPION: VACANT
1. HEKKIE BUDLER
2. KATSUNARI TAKAYAMA
3. WANHENG MENAYOTHIN
4. KOSEI TANAKA
5. KNOCKOUT CP FRESHMART
6. CARLOS BUITRAGO
7. RYUJI HARA
8. XIONG ZHAO ZHONG
9. DENVER CUELLO
10. JESUS SILVESTRE


Well, here we go then. The last of our divisions, 17 of the fuckers. I propose just chopping them all down, making it about nine: you can have heavy, cruiser, light-heavy, SMW, MW, Welter, Lightweight, Featherweight and "Midget ****s".

Before we get into this division I just want to give a word of warning to any racist assholes that might be reading. The majority of the fighters in this division are from Japan/China/Thailand, so I bet some racist prick is gonna come along and say something like "these guys have grit as a boxer - they've all got a dog inside them." My advice, if you're thinking of saying it - DON'T. We don't need that kind of racist bullshit in this thread FFS.

So, here we go. A division of fighters shorter than Weltschmerz's marriage. A group of ten men so lacking in height that their legs are less than the length of New England's arms. A division so insufferably shit that the fourth-ranked boxer here - and this isn't a joke, I'm serious - has the WBO world title and only five fights to his name, with two KOS. Can you imagine what a shit division you're in if you're nearly in the top three after only five fights? That's like having a division for the biggest cock, and you've got your top three made up of Led, Tuggers and Kadyo.

Not all of these ****s have their height listed on Boxrec (Nos. 3, 5 and 6 should you care), but of what's there, the tallest guy is just over 5'4, Kosei Tanaka. He's like the Valuev of the division, is the lad. Can you imagine having the negotiations with your manager and trainer over it? "I dunno, boss, I think he might be too big, he towers over me... the ****'s nearly four foot eleven."

Am I alone here, gang? Are the rest of you sat there, going, "you ****, Annie, I love to watch these guys who are the height of the average nine year old fight... I know them all off by heart." I haven't seen one of the wankers, does that make me not a boxing fan?

The weight limit to this division is exactly 7.5 stone (105 pounds, Fat Yanks). Just to put this in some kind of perspective, I did a Karen Carpenter gag the other night, trying to make you smile, but I just checked the stats, and Carpenter, even at the onset of her anorexia, was outweighing most of these pricks, and, at 5'4, was towering over them as well. I don't weigh every girl I sleep with, but I can guarantee none of them were 7.5 stone or below.

Seriously, I don't want to sound like I'm just ragging on these useless fucking ****s and being negative about 'em. But imagine if you took them to the local turtle farm for a day out - the assholes would turn to each other and go "I didn't know Jurassic Park was real." When they go to the local bar for a drink, they use a thimble as a beer glass and sit on a toadstool.

I've never seen 'em. They might be great. Or they might be a bunch of wankers the size of the average 9-year-old girl.

Fuck 'em, that's what I say.


VERDICT: Bollocks.

[El-blanco]

STRAWWEIGHT - RING ****ZINE RATINGS
CHAMPION: VACANT
1. HEKKIE BUDLER
2. KATSUNARI TAKAYAMA
3. WANHENG MENAYOTHIN
4. KOSEI TANAKA
5. KNOCKOUT CP FRESHMART
6. CARLOS BUITRAGO
7. RYUJI HARA
8. XIONG ZHAO ZHONG
9. DENVER CUELLO
10. JESUS SILVESTRE


Well, here we go then. The last of our divisions, 17 of the fuckers. I propose just chopping them all down, making it about nine: you can have heavy, cruiser, light-heavy, SMW, MW, Welter, Lightweight, Featherweight and "Midget ****s".

Before we get into this division I just want to give a word of warning to any racist assholes that might be reading. The majority of the fighters in this division are from Japan/China/Thailand, so I bet some racist prick is gonna come along and say something like "these guys have grit as a boxer - they've all got a dog inside them." My advice, if you're thinking of saying it - DON'T. We don't need that kind of racist bullshit in this thread FFS.

So, here we go. A division of fighters shorter than Weltschmerz's marriage. A group of ten men so lacking in height that their legs are less than the length of New England's arms. A division so insufferably shit that the fourth-ranked boxer here - and this isn't a joke, I'm serious - has the WBO world title and only five fights to his name, with two KOS. Can you imagine what a shit division you're in if you're nearly in the top three after only five fights? That's like having a division for the biggest cock, and you've got your top three made up of Led, Tuggers and Kadyo.

Not all of these ****s have their height listed on Boxrec (Nos. 3, 5 and 6 should you care), but of what's there, the tallest guy is just over 5'4, Kosei Tanaka. He's like the Valuev of the division, is the lad. Can you imagine having the negotiations with your manager and trainer over it? "I dunno, boss, I think he might be too big, he towers over me... the ****'s nearly four foot eleven."

Am I alone here, gang? Are the rest of you sat there, going, "you ****, Annie, I love to watch these guys who are the height of the average nine year old fight... I know them all off by heart." I haven't seen one of the wankers, does that make me not a boxing fan?

The weight limit to this division is exactly 7.5 stone (105 pounds, Fat Yanks). Just to put this in some kind of perspective, I did a Karen Carpenter gag the other night, trying to make you smile, but I just checked the stats, and Carpenter, even at the onset of her anorexia, was outweighing most of these pricks, and, at 5'4, was towering over them as well. I don't weigh every girl I sleep with, but I can guarantee none of them were 7.5 stone or below.

Seriously, I don't want to sound like I'm just ragging on these useless fucking ****s and being negative about 'em. But imagine if you took them to the local turtle farm for a day out - the assholes would turn to each other and go "I didn't know Jurassic Park was real." When they go to the local bar for a drink, they use a thimble as a beer glass and sit on a toadstool.

I've never seen 'em. They might be great. Or they might be a bunch of wankers the size of the average 9-year-old girl.

Fuck 'em, that's what I say.


VERDICT: Bollocks.

holy **** lol that might be the best one.

[BOXEO _]

STRAWWEIGHT - RING ****ZINE RATINGS
CHAMPION: VACANT
1. HEKKIE BUDLER
2. KATSUNARI TAKAYAMA
3. WANHENG MENAYOTHIN
4. KOSEI TANAKA
5. KNOCKOUT CP FRESHMART
6. CARLOS BUITRAGO
7. RYUJI HARA
8. XIONG ZHAO ZHONG
9. DENVER CUELLO
10. JESUS SILVESTRE

Tell me that's not his real name

[BOXEO _]

Can you imagine introducing him to your friends.

"Hey fellas I want you to meet Knockout, he's a boxer".

In walks this 5'1" hardass

[4Corners]

Is his real name Knockout CP Freshmart?!?!?!? Lmfao

[lebrick]

Is his real name Knockout CP Freshmart?!?!?!? Lmfao

he might be indonesian or from thailand.. changing names are common to them.

[!! Anorak]

From Wankopedia:

Knockout CP Freshmart (real name Thammanoon Niyomtrong

Apparently he's the current WBA interim champion. WTF?? You need INTERIM champions? How many strawweights are there in the world to need an INTERIM champion?

Actually, I've just checked - according to boxrec there are 268 active dwarves.