My list of ***ual exploits

[ßringer]

Beercules seems hell bent on ruining my b*tches thread by posting a list of first names of girls he's had *** with and asking other users to do the same, so in order to counteract that and save my thread I'm creating this thread wherein interested users can post the list of names of people (male or female) whom they've had ***ual encounters with.

I'll kick things off...

Anorak - D. A horrible lover. I'd give him an F but he did his Fat Yank routine midway through and made me chuckle, so I take mercy on his rating. Afterwards he wouldn't stop comparing me to boxers he'd ****ed.

Oasis Lad - A+. An exceptional specimen who made my toes curl almost as much as he made my ass bleed.

Spray Resistant - A+. Another exceptional specimen. Assertive and voracious - A scintillating combination.

Derranged - F. The worst ***ual experience of my life. Not only did I not climax, but halfway through he sharted himself and then started puking when the stench made it to his olfactory system. Avoid at all costs.

Pretty Boy32 - D-. We had some fun but we couldn't climax because he reacted so oddly to every bumping noise we made together. I'd be ****ing him in his ****** w*gger ass and the bed would rock and he'd instantly jump up and check the entire house for an intruder named Larry.

Barnburner - A+. We ****ed like rabbits while Matthysse fights ran on the television.

Sweet Pea 50 - F. Not sure if this qualifies as *** or not because he only gave me a hanjob. He was quite enthusiastic about it but a bit too unaware of his own forearm strength. I don't mind a little pain with my pleasure, but this orangutan looking mother****er damn near ripped my d*ck off on several occasions.

Left Hook Tua - C-. The *** itself was great. I pounded his cratered and giggly Samoan ass for hours but afterwards he wanted too much pillowtalk. Kept babbling on and on about street gang infrastructure and the strategical brilliance of George W. Bush's invasion of Iraq.

Mannie Phresh - A. Another Matthysse fan, but a lot kinkier than Barn. He fisted me that hand of his that the alligator bit a ****ing chunk out of years back. Probably one of the most ****** moments of my life.

THE REED - C. I expected so much more from this guy given the stereotype of Italians being such passionate lovers. Normally I don't mind a little roleplaying in the bedroom, but he was way too insistent that I paint myself brown and wear a robe that said "Roy" on the back of it.

squalpiggy - F. Another one I had high hopes for given our natural chemistry here on the forums. Normally I love hearing his input but everything I did was apparently wrong to this guy.

I started licking his ass and he told me that I was doing it at an improper angle. Then I asked him if it really mattered and he provided me with several links to published studies on the adverse effects improper ass licking can have on one's health. So I started blowing him instead and he told me I was using too much saliva. I asked him if there really was such a thing as too much saliva during a ******* and he scoffed at me and labelled me a ****** for not already knowing about it. Then I tried ****ing him in the ass and, at first, he seemed totally into it. So I started dirty talking him and made the mistake of calling him a b*tch and he went ape**** on me and branded me a misogynist.

I'll update again in the future as I continue to put notches in my belt.

[[ DUBBZZ ]]

Knew this was a risky click, but I couldn't help it.

Didn't disappoint.

[Beercules]

Although Annie doesn't like to admit it; when I posted my picture he said I was handsome.

[squealpiggy]

squalpiggy - F. Another one I had high hopes for given our natural chemistry here on the forums. Normally I love hearing his input but everything I did was apparently wrong to this guy.

I started licking his ass and he told me that I was doing it at an improper angle. Then I asked him if it really mattered and he provided me with several links to published studies on the adverse effects improper ass licking can have on one's health. So I started blowing him instead and he told me I was using too much saliva. I asked him if there really was such a thing as too much saliva during a ******* and he scoffed at me and labelled me a ****** for not already knowing about it. Then I tried ****ing him in the ass and, at first, he seemed totally into it. So I started dirty talking him and made the mistake of calling him a b*tch and he went ape**** on me and branded me a misogynist.

I'll update again in the future as I continue to put notches in my belt.

[Spray_resistant]

I know Oasis Lad wouldn't disappoint

[Canelo Phresh]

This is phyuking gold. I laughed and my wife son looked at me and expected me to explain what was funny enough to interrupt the amazing world of gumball. I couldnt really explain how a poster on boxingscene had described in detail how gay *** was with me. I just said it was a he mad do gif.

[Sweet Pea 50]

Once again, my Kung-Fu grip drives away another potential life partner.

[UTEP]

Pretty Boy32 - D-. We had some fun but we couldn't climax because he reacted so oddly to every bumping noise we made together. I'd be ****ing him in his ****** w*gger ass and the bed would rock and he'd instantly jump up and check the entire house for an intruder named Larry.

Spit out some Dr Pepper reading this.

[ßringer]

robust - F. Another failure of a ****, though not for lack of trying on our parts. We both ended up disappointed with the size of each other's d*cks, put our clothes back on, and had a few drinks while we pondered what it must be like to be ****ed by Canelo's ATG snake.

-Righteous- - F. Yet another failure of mine. Much like meeting a girl from the internet, he was nothing like he portrays himself online. Instead of being a suave playboy type with fists of steel and an iron c*ck that ladies fight to death for he ended up being exactly how most of us picture him - An awkward and introverted pissant with hands like a girl and a d*ck that a toddler would chuckle at.

I got him drunk enough to coax him out of his shell but the *** itself was a chore. I had to dress up as Bigfoot before he could even get an erection.

Russian Crushin - A+. A phenom of ****ing if ever I saw one. Rivaled in kinkiness only by Mannie Fresh - He put his snakes on our fully erect c*cks and the constriction made them swell to their full potential. Then he stuck his pet bird up my ass and gave me a reach around.

TheGR8TESTOAT - F. With GR8TEST, I found out the hard way that online personas aren't always true. Like -Righteous-, he showed up looking nothing like he claims. I was expecting a smaller middleweight or light heavyweight version of the Rock that would **** me into a late night visit to the emergency room. The only thing the Rock and this dorky looking prick had in common was that they both wore fanny packs and awful Hawaiian style button down shirts. But the Rock at least had the decency to leave that **** back in the 90s where it belonged.

The whole time he's ****ing me in the ass he's "big up'ing" himself, as he likes to say. "Yeah, dawg...take that d*ck" he keeps saying. "I know you ain't neva had it like this before" he says. "I'm the Ray Robinson of ass ****ing, homie" he shouts as he picked up the pace.

Meanwhile I'm there with a bemused look on my face as his infantile d*ck makes no impression on my sphincter whatsoever. He finished shortly thereafter and, when I told him what I thought of his subpar performance, he invited me to some place called Greystone Manor the following weekend and told me I could find someone there to **** me properly.

kadyo - C. Don't get me wrong, the *** was pretty good, especially by boxingscene standards. But if anything, this guy was a little too nice about it. "**** my ass like you're drilling for oil" I told him. "Okay, Mike" he replied. But then he'd get going and suddenly stop whenever I let out a groan. "You okay, Mike?" he'd inquire while stroking my back or running his fingers through my hair. "I'm fine, Kadyo. Keep ****ing me. Hard" I'd say. Then I'd get back into it and start groaning and he'd immediately halt the pounding again.

"Are you sure you're okay, Mike? I don't want to hurt you, buddy."

This persisted all night. I came close to blowing my load at least a dozen times due to his skill, but every time I was on the verge of exploding he'd either stop to see if I was okay or he'd just randomly start kissing and hugging me. Like I said - Way too nice.

Chief2ndzOnly! - A. A surprisingly tremendous ass ****er given his steadfast opposition to gays. I honestly didn't even expect to reel this big fish in, but we were over his house drinking Crown while watching 'Friday Night Fights', one thing lead to another, and before I even knew what was happening I could feel his d*ck pushing against my kidneys.

"You betta not tell anybody 'bout 'dis, mah homie" he said. "I ain't want my potnas on boxingscene finding out, ya dig?"

"Sure thing, Chief" I assured him as he continued to reconfigure the anatomy of my torso with his colossal unit.

I could tell it was awkward for Chief due to his silence from then on. His mind was likely telling him that ****ing me in the ass was wrong, but his c*ck was obviously telling him another story, as he never missed a beat.

"You gots ta bounce, potna" he said to me immediately after filling my colon up with his seed. "Mrs. Chief finna come home soon an' I ain't finna get found out" he confessed.

"I understand, Chief" I said. With those words, I pulled the empty bottle of Crown Royal from my sphincter, pulled my pants up, and walked to my car.

[Veneficus]

10/10 lol'd, would read again.