We are friends but if you and your idiot president **** with us we might do the weird somewhatobscurerevenge.....
We paralyzed Franklin Delano Roosevelt
FDR historians roundly agree that if the 32nd president had never contracted polio, he never would have developed the drive and determination to become one of the 20th century’s most influential figures — most notably as a driving force behind the end of Second World War. So, if you’re currently living in a non-******* Europe, you’re welcome; a 39-year-old Franklin Roosevelt was paralyzed by polio during a 1921 visit to New Brunswick.
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After winning the Battle of the Little Bighorn, the victors fled to Canada
The 1876 Battle of the Little Bighorn, which saw the virtual annihilation of a U.S. cavalry regiment at the hands of a combined Native American force, ranks as one of the greatest Indigenous military triumphs of the post-contact era. But the victors knew full well that their feat would spur quick and brutal vengeance from an enraged United States. A party of Sioux led by Sitting Bull eventually moved into what is now Saskatchewan, beyond the reach of U.S. authorities. Canada’s North-West Mounted Police would soon be instrumental in crushing Saskatchewan’s Metis-led North-West Rebellion, but Sitting Bull reportedly got along with the frontier force just fine — even becoming close friends with local NWMP officer James Walsh. (And unlike any of the other events on this list, this one got a “ra-ra” Historica Minute starring Graham Greene.)
We pissed off Ireland so much they left the Commonwealth
Although it had wanted full independence from the start, Ireland spent its first 27 years as an arm’s-length “dominion”: Nominally ruling themselves, but with the King of England still technically head of state. That is, until 1948. On a visit to Ottawa, Irish Prime Minister John Costello found his Canadian hosts so obnoxious (the Governor General was purposely avoiding him, for one) that he impulsively told reporters that henceforth Ireland would be ditching the king and withdrawing from the Commonwealth forever. And that, in a nutshell, is why Ireland didn’t show up to our 1994 Commonwealth Games.
Robert Kennedy climbed a Yukon mountain — and saw his destiny
Robert Kennedy was an utter wreck after the 1963 assassination death of his brother in Dallas. “He lost weight, fell into melancholy silences, wore his brother’s clothes, smoked the cigars his brother had liked, and imitated his mannerisms,” wrote the journalist Thurston Clarke. It was in this funk that — only four months after his brother’s death — Kennedy made the abrupt decision to climb Mount Kennedy, a Yukon mountain the Canadian government had named in honour of his slain brother. According to biographers, it was an act of closure for the younger Kennedy, and the moment at which he set upon his own ambitious course for the presidency.
The men who assassinated top **** Reinhard Heydrich reportedly trained in Ontario
Reinhard Heydrich was one of the most powerful figures in the Third Reich and the chief architect of the Holocaust. In May, 1942, during Heydrich’s morning commute to work in Prague, two Czech paratroopers emerged from the woods and hit his Mercedes with pistol fire and a makeshift bomb. It was a key message to **** leadership that not even they were safe, but it came at the price of a terrible retribution on the local population carried out by the SS. According to the history A Man Called Intrepid, much of the assassination plot was planned from Camp X, a top-secret military installation located between Whitby and Oshawa. It’s now the site of Intrepid Park.
We may have killed U.S. President Warren Harding
In 1923, U.S. President Warren Harding made a quick visit to Vancouver while sailing back from Alaska. He played a round of golf, started feeling weak and only a few days later he was dead from mysterious circumstances. While doctors at the time blamed the death on everything from food poisoning to a cerebral hemorrhage, modern experts are generally in agreement that the president was killed by heart trouble — and Harding’s allegiance to the quack science of homeopathy certainly didn’t help his recovery. But since he had no autopsy, we can’t entirely rule out the fact that Harding’s brief Canadian sojourn might have played some part in triggering his untimely demise.
Harry Houdini got punched to death in Montreal
For a man who routinely dove into bodies of water while wearing straitjackets, it remains one of history’s great ironies that escape legend Harry Houdini was killed in 1926 by something as innocuous as a ruptured appendix. As with the case of Warren Harding above, it’s debatable whether Houdini died of a pre-existing condition, but sources at the time all attributed it to a bizarre event that occurred in Houdini’s dressing room behind Montreal’s Princess Theatre. McGill University student J. Gordon Whitehead asked the conjuror if it was true that he could withstand punches to the stomach. When Houdini replied in the affirmative, Whitehead proceeded to repeatedly sucker punch the 52-year-old entertainer in the gut. Houdini died nine days later.
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John Lennon resolved to break up the Beatles after a trip to Toronto
In a masterstroke of hubris, in 1969 Toronto concert promoter John Brower invited John Lennon to be the emcee of his Toronto Rock and Roll Revival. To Brower’s surprise, Lennon not only accepted, but he shot back that he must be allowed to perform with a hastily cobbled-together non-Beatles group that he soon dubbed the Plastic Ono Band. The subsequent show was remembered largely for an extended screech performance by Yoko Ono — while a hostile Canadian audience swore at her to stop. But to Lennon the appearance was a revelation that he didn’t need the rest of the fab four to make music. As soon as he got back to London, he told George, Paul and Ringo that it was over.
We paralyzed Franklin Delano Roosevelt
FDR historians roundly agree that if the 32nd president had never contracted polio, he never would have developed the drive and determination to become one of the 20th century’s most influential figures — most notably as a driving force behind the end of Second World War. So, if you’re currently living in a non-******* Europe, you’re welcome; a 39-year-old Franklin Roosevelt was paralyzed by polio during a 1921 visit to New Brunswick.
——
After winning the Battle of the Little Bighorn, the victors fled to Canada
The 1876 Battle of the Little Bighorn, which saw the virtual annihilation of a U.S. cavalry regiment at the hands of a combined Native American force, ranks as one of the greatest Indigenous military triumphs of the post-contact era. But the victors knew full well that their feat would spur quick and brutal vengeance from an enraged United States. A party of Sioux led by Sitting Bull eventually moved into what is now Saskatchewan, beyond the reach of U.S. authorities. Canada’s North-West Mounted Police would soon be instrumental in crushing Saskatchewan’s Metis-led North-West Rebellion, but Sitting Bull reportedly got along with the frontier force just fine — even becoming close friends with local NWMP officer James Walsh. (And unlike any of the other events on this list, this one got a “ra-ra” Historica Minute starring Graham Greene.)
We pissed off Ireland so much they left the Commonwealth
Although it had wanted full independence from the start, Ireland spent its first 27 years as an arm’s-length “dominion”: Nominally ruling themselves, but with the King of England still technically head of state. That is, until 1948. On a visit to Ottawa, Irish Prime Minister John Costello found his Canadian hosts so obnoxious (the Governor General was purposely avoiding him, for one) that he impulsively told reporters that henceforth Ireland would be ditching the king and withdrawing from the Commonwealth forever. And that, in a nutshell, is why Ireland didn’t show up to our 1994 Commonwealth Games.
Robert Kennedy climbed a Yukon mountain — and saw his destiny
Robert Kennedy was an utter wreck after the 1963 assassination death of his brother in Dallas. “He lost weight, fell into melancholy silences, wore his brother’s clothes, smoked the cigars his brother had liked, and imitated his mannerisms,” wrote the journalist Thurston Clarke. It was in this funk that — only four months after his brother’s death — Kennedy made the abrupt decision to climb Mount Kennedy, a Yukon mountain the Canadian government had named in honour of his slain brother. According to biographers, it was an act of closure for the younger Kennedy, and the moment at which he set upon his own ambitious course for the presidency.
The men who assassinated top **** Reinhard Heydrich reportedly trained in Ontario
Reinhard Heydrich was one of the most powerful figures in the Third Reich and the chief architect of the Holocaust. In May, 1942, during Heydrich’s morning commute to work in Prague, two Czech paratroopers emerged from the woods and hit his Mercedes with pistol fire and a makeshift bomb. It was a key message to **** leadership that not even they were safe, but it came at the price of a terrible retribution on the local population carried out by the SS. According to the history A Man Called Intrepid, much of the assassination plot was planned from Camp X, a top-secret military installation located between Whitby and Oshawa. It’s now the site of Intrepid Park.
We may have killed U.S. President Warren Harding
In 1923, U.S. President Warren Harding made a quick visit to Vancouver while sailing back from Alaska. He played a round of golf, started feeling weak and only a few days later he was dead from mysterious circumstances. While doctors at the time blamed the death on everything from food poisoning to a cerebral hemorrhage, modern experts are generally in agreement that the president was killed by heart trouble — and Harding’s allegiance to the quack science of homeopathy certainly didn’t help his recovery. But since he had no autopsy, we can’t entirely rule out the fact that Harding’s brief Canadian sojourn might have played some part in triggering his untimely demise.
Harry Houdini got punched to death in Montreal
For a man who routinely dove into bodies of water while wearing straitjackets, it remains one of history’s great ironies that escape legend Harry Houdini was killed in 1926 by something as innocuous as a ruptured appendix. As with the case of Warren Harding above, it’s debatable whether Houdini died of a pre-existing condition, but sources at the time all attributed it to a bizarre event that occurred in Houdini’s dressing room behind Montreal’s Princess Theatre. McGill University student J. Gordon Whitehead asked the conjuror if it was true that he could withstand punches to the stomach. When Houdini replied in the affirmative, Whitehead proceeded to repeatedly sucker punch the 52-year-old entertainer in the gut. Houdini died nine days later.
——
John Lennon resolved to break up the Beatles after a trip to Toronto
In a masterstroke of hubris, in 1969 Toronto concert promoter John Brower invited John Lennon to be the emcee of his Toronto Rock and Roll Revival. To Brower’s surprise, Lennon not only accepted, but he shot back that he must be allowed to perform with a hastily cobbled-together non-Beatles group that he soon dubbed the Plastic Ono Band. The subsequent show was remembered largely for an extended screech performance by Yoko Ono — while a hostile Canadian audience swore at her to stop. But to Lennon the appearance was a revelation that he didn’t need the rest of the fab four to make music. As soon as he got back to London, he told George, Paul and Ringo that it was over.
...I'll see your Family Guy and raise you a South Park...
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