By Fat Dan
Last year, my wife Jenn and I threw a mythical July 4 barbecue in our backyard and invited folks from the boxing world. It was such a huge success, we decided to throw one on Memorial Day. Here's what went down (all in fun) as the boxing community gathered for the festivities:
Everyone mingled after arriving, but then we turned our attention to the distinct voice of the classy Jimmy Lennon Jr., who suddenly was standing in the center of the backyard roaring, "Iiiiiit'sssss LUNCHTIME!"
Michael Buffer, standing next to Jimmy, made his own announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, on the blue table we have salads, fresh corn and mango salsa. And over on the red table, there are burgers, dogs and chicken!"
Just before the first burgers were tossed on the grill, Larry Merchant spoke up, slowly and dramatically putting the afternoon into context: "Will these burgers leave a wonderful taste in all of our mouths and turn this foodfest into a glorious culinary delight, or will they turn out to be infected with E. coli and send us all down for the count? Let's find out."
Manny Pacquiao provided the musical entertainment, singing "Sometimes When we Touch" over and over again.
Juan Manuel Marquez, who brought what he claimed was homemade lemonade, was desperate to share the stage and perform a duet with Pacquiao. They had to put on two incredible performances years ago, and Marquez had campaigned for a third song at every BBQ. Finally, Marquez got his wish this year.
Pacquiao and Marquez weren't the only musical entertainment. After Mike Tyson finished feeding the birds, he belted out a memorable rendition of "One Night in ****kok."
Timothy Bradley Jr. said he had been looking forward to the BBQ for months, but then he canceled at the last minute. Amir Khan tried to convince him to change his mind, even offering Bradley half of his food and drink -- by far the biggest meal of Bradley's life -- but it just wasn't enough to get him to come.
When Bradley ducked the BBQ, Zab Judah offered to take Khan up on his offer and wound up settling for 45 percent of his meal.
Bernard Hopkins wasn't happy to find out he wasn't the oldest person at the BBQ, but his mood changed when my wife served him a big slice of cheesecake.
Andre Ward dominated every single game he played at the BBQ. None of them were close. Well, except the pushups contest. Hopkins won that.
There was some debate as to whether the steaks were fully cooked, so Jean Pascal whipped out a meat thermometer and started screaming, "TAKE THE TEST!"
Floyd Mayweather Jr. decided to cut his vacation short so that he could attend. However, I noticed a little commotion when he arrived. He was arguing and vigorously pointing his finger in the face of our pool boy before grabbing his iPhone.
Oscar De La Hoya, usually a staple at these parties, sent his regrets that he was unable to attend this year.
Cristobal Arreola said this was his second BBQ in 13 days but that he was eating light.
Freddie Roach caused a bit of a distraction because he showed up being trailed by cameras, which followed him all afternoon.
Don King had tried to talk me into having this year's BBQ at the Pontiac Silverdome because the owner offered to buy all of the groceries and didn't care if anyone came.
It was great to see Kelly Pavlik, who sipped on a diet soda while playing darts.
Gary Shaw had on a specially designed sweat suit with extra pockets to hold silverware, tongs and a spatula. Besides free food, he asked us if we would also throw in a free room for the night. Every so often, when he would hear the neighbor's dog barking, he'd get this sad look on his face because it reminded him of the long-lost Alfredo "Perro" Angulo.
Bob Arum spent most of the day in the house watching CBS, although Mark Taffet kept trying to convince him to change the channel to HBO.
Juan Manuel Lopez and Yuriorkis Gamboa arrived lugging jugs of spoiled marinade that Arum insisted they bring.
Victor Ortiz and Andre Berto went at it in an epic pie-eating contest. Between them, they nearly choked four times but kept eating until the very end.
Paulie Malignaggi spent the afternoon giving free haircuts to anyone who wanted one.
Shane Mosley looked really hungry. But I don't think he ever had lunch, because he spent all afternoon shaking hands with people.
Amazingly, Richard Schaefer and Todd duBoef sat at the same table, joined by judge Daniel Weinstein.
Nonito Donaire promised to come, but at the last minute he decided to go to another BBQ. But I heard that when he showed up there, he was barred from the premises and wound up without lunch.
As always, Joe Cortez was very specific with his food order: "Remember, I want my burger rare but firm."
Miguel Cotto looked a bit down because he didn't have anyone to dance with.
Lou DiBella spent most of the BBQ screaming and yelling at everyone for no apparent reason.
A few people asked me where David Haye was. I explained that I tried to invite him via Twitter, but I couldn't because he blocked me. Wladimir Klitschko told me that even if I had invited Haye, he probably would have said he'd come but would bail out at the last minute.
Shannon Briggs, who really didn't deserve to be at the BBQ in the first place, was causing a ruckus, so Vitali Klitschko slowly and methodically kicked him out.
The BBQ went exactly how Emanuel Steward predicted it would go.
Tomasz Adamek and Kathy Duva kept a low profile, but they sure ate well.
Giovani Segura may be a little guy, but he eats like George Foreman.
Winky Wright hasn't made it to one of these parties in years. Nobody seems to know where he is.
Juan Diaz decided to put off his first semester of law school to attend the BBQ.
Lucian Bute came alone but said he had 15,000 people who wanted to come with him.
Kermit Cintron unfortunately had to leave early on a stretcher after he tripped over the garden hose, fell off the porch and made no attempt to get up.
Kery Davis originally had invited Nobuhiro Ishida as his guest, but three days later he dumped him and invited Erislandy Lara instead.
Roy Jones Jr. appeared lethargic before falling asleep in Denis Lebedev's arms with only 10 seconds left at the BBQ.
A food fight broke out -- a rough one. Amid the chaos, Gus Johnson screamed, "OH MY GOD!!! AL BERNSTEIN HAS JUST BEEN HIT BY A WATER BOTTLE!!! INCREDIBLE!!!" Then everyone was shocked to see James Kirkland fall to the ground after getting nailed by a chunk of Jell-O.
It got pretty messy when somebody spilled fruit punch all over Dan Goossen, but you couldn't really tell because it matched his bright red blazer.
After Devon Alexander got hit with a water balloon, he decided to sit out the rest of the BBQ because he knew he had a guaranteed invitation to the next one.
Sergio Martinez always enjoys himself, but wishes he would be invited to three BBQs per year instead of just two.
Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. has attended dozens of BBQs, but this was his first serious one.
Ken Hershman said the BBQ was super, but he couldn't stay long. He still had to make stops at five others, including one hosted by Carl Froch and Glen Johnson.
By the time Jim Lampley arrived, the backyard gate was closed. But he was determined to join the fun and started to ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, **** on the fence until somebody let him in.
Floyd Mayweather Sr. said he didn't want to eat our food. Instead, he stopped at the Taco Bell drive-thru on his way over.
Roger Mayweather didn't look happy. He said we didn't know squat about barbecuing. Said Angelo Dundee didn't know anything about BBQs, either.
I hope Mikkel Kessler is OK. He went running into the house when he got smoke in his eyes.
Erik Morales hadn't attended one of our BBQs in a few years, so it was nice to have him back and looking so good.
Al Haymon came, but he refused to talk to anyone. His pal Sam Watson, however, was very friendly. In fact, he wound up in every single picture anyone snapped.
Artie Pelullo brought cigars, wine and meatballs -- but only because I agreed to let him co-host next year's BBQ.
Everyone was happy to see that Robert Guerrero brought his wife, Casey.
After Harold Lederman bit into a rack of ribs, he exclaimed, "Jim, I gotta tell ya, these ribs are something special. The mixture of these ****es and sauce is just so impressive that I don't see anything beating it. With this kind of moisture and plate generalship, no question, it's the best lunch out here."
Antonio Margarito brought his own BBQ sauce. However, he said Javier Capetillo had made it and that he had no idea what was actually in it.
Last year, my wife Jenn and I threw a mythical July 4 barbecue in our backyard and invited folks from the boxing world. It was such a huge success, we decided to throw one on Memorial Day. Here's what went down (all in fun) as the boxing community gathered for the festivities:
Everyone mingled after arriving, but then we turned our attention to the distinct voice of the classy Jimmy Lennon Jr., who suddenly was standing in the center of the backyard roaring, "Iiiiiit'sssss LUNCHTIME!"
Michael Buffer, standing next to Jimmy, made his own announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, on the blue table we have salads, fresh corn and mango salsa. And over on the red table, there are burgers, dogs and chicken!"
Just before the first burgers were tossed on the grill, Larry Merchant spoke up, slowly and dramatically putting the afternoon into context: "Will these burgers leave a wonderful taste in all of our mouths and turn this foodfest into a glorious culinary delight, or will they turn out to be infected with E. coli and send us all down for the count? Let's find out."
Manny Pacquiao provided the musical entertainment, singing "Sometimes When we Touch" over and over again.
Juan Manuel Marquez, who brought what he claimed was homemade lemonade, was desperate to share the stage and perform a duet with Pacquiao. They had to put on two incredible performances years ago, and Marquez had campaigned for a third song at every BBQ. Finally, Marquez got his wish this year.
Pacquiao and Marquez weren't the only musical entertainment. After Mike Tyson finished feeding the birds, he belted out a memorable rendition of "One Night in ****kok."
Timothy Bradley Jr. said he had been looking forward to the BBQ for months, but then he canceled at the last minute. Amir Khan tried to convince him to change his mind, even offering Bradley half of his food and drink -- by far the biggest meal of Bradley's life -- but it just wasn't enough to get him to come.
When Bradley ducked the BBQ, Zab Judah offered to take Khan up on his offer and wound up settling for 45 percent of his meal.
Bernard Hopkins wasn't happy to find out he wasn't the oldest person at the BBQ, but his mood changed when my wife served him a big slice of cheesecake.
Andre Ward dominated every single game he played at the BBQ. None of them were close. Well, except the pushups contest. Hopkins won that.
There was some debate as to whether the steaks were fully cooked, so Jean Pascal whipped out a meat thermometer and started screaming, "TAKE THE TEST!"
Floyd Mayweather Jr. decided to cut his vacation short so that he could attend. However, I noticed a little commotion when he arrived. He was arguing and vigorously pointing his finger in the face of our pool boy before grabbing his iPhone.
Oscar De La Hoya, usually a staple at these parties, sent his regrets that he was unable to attend this year.
Cristobal Arreola said this was his second BBQ in 13 days but that he was eating light.
Freddie Roach caused a bit of a distraction because he showed up being trailed by cameras, which followed him all afternoon.
Don King had tried to talk me into having this year's BBQ at the Pontiac Silverdome because the owner offered to buy all of the groceries and didn't care if anyone came.
It was great to see Kelly Pavlik, who sipped on a diet soda while playing darts.
Gary Shaw had on a specially designed sweat suit with extra pockets to hold silverware, tongs and a spatula. Besides free food, he asked us if we would also throw in a free room for the night. Every so often, when he would hear the neighbor's dog barking, he'd get this sad look on his face because it reminded him of the long-lost Alfredo "Perro" Angulo.
Bob Arum spent most of the day in the house watching CBS, although Mark Taffet kept trying to convince him to change the channel to HBO.
Juan Manuel Lopez and Yuriorkis Gamboa arrived lugging jugs of spoiled marinade that Arum insisted they bring.
Victor Ortiz and Andre Berto went at it in an epic pie-eating contest. Between them, they nearly choked four times but kept eating until the very end.
Paulie Malignaggi spent the afternoon giving free haircuts to anyone who wanted one.
Shane Mosley looked really hungry. But I don't think he ever had lunch, because he spent all afternoon shaking hands with people.
Amazingly, Richard Schaefer and Todd duBoef sat at the same table, joined by judge Daniel Weinstein.
Nonito Donaire promised to come, but at the last minute he decided to go to another BBQ. But I heard that when he showed up there, he was barred from the premises and wound up without lunch.
As always, Joe Cortez was very specific with his food order: "Remember, I want my burger rare but firm."
Miguel Cotto looked a bit down because he didn't have anyone to dance with.
Lou DiBella spent most of the BBQ screaming and yelling at everyone for no apparent reason.
A few people asked me where David Haye was. I explained that I tried to invite him via Twitter, but I couldn't because he blocked me. Wladimir Klitschko told me that even if I had invited Haye, he probably would have said he'd come but would bail out at the last minute.
Shannon Briggs, who really didn't deserve to be at the BBQ in the first place, was causing a ruckus, so Vitali Klitschko slowly and methodically kicked him out.
The BBQ went exactly how Emanuel Steward predicted it would go.
Tomasz Adamek and Kathy Duva kept a low profile, but they sure ate well.
Giovani Segura may be a little guy, but he eats like George Foreman.
Winky Wright hasn't made it to one of these parties in years. Nobody seems to know where he is.
Juan Diaz decided to put off his first semester of law school to attend the BBQ.
Lucian Bute came alone but said he had 15,000 people who wanted to come with him.
Kermit Cintron unfortunately had to leave early on a stretcher after he tripped over the garden hose, fell off the porch and made no attempt to get up.
Kery Davis originally had invited Nobuhiro Ishida as his guest, but three days later he dumped him and invited Erislandy Lara instead.
Roy Jones Jr. appeared lethargic before falling asleep in Denis Lebedev's arms with only 10 seconds left at the BBQ.
A food fight broke out -- a rough one. Amid the chaos, Gus Johnson screamed, "OH MY GOD!!! AL BERNSTEIN HAS JUST BEEN HIT BY A WATER BOTTLE!!! INCREDIBLE!!!" Then everyone was shocked to see James Kirkland fall to the ground after getting nailed by a chunk of Jell-O.
It got pretty messy when somebody spilled fruit punch all over Dan Goossen, but you couldn't really tell because it matched his bright red blazer.
After Devon Alexander got hit with a water balloon, he decided to sit out the rest of the BBQ because he knew he had a guaranteed invitation to the next one.
Sergio Martinez always enjoys himself, but wishes he would be invited to three BBQs per year instead of just two.
Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. has attended dozens of BBQs, but this was his first serious one.
Ken Hershman said the BBQ was super, but he couldn't stay long. He still had to make stops at five others, including one hosted by Carl Froch and Glen Johnson.
By the time Jim Lampley arrived, the backyard gate was closed. But he was determined to join the fun and started to ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, **** on the fence until somebody let him in.
Floyd Mayweather Sr. said he didn't want to eat our food. Instead, he stopped at the Taco Bell drive-thru on his way over.
Roger Mayweather didn't look happy. He said we didn't know squat about barbecuing. Said Angelo Dundee didn't know anything about BBQs, either.
I hope Mikkel Kessler is OK. He went running into the house when he got smoke in his eyes.
Erik Morales hadn't attended one of our BBQs in a few years, so it was nice to have him back and looking so good.
Al Haymon came, but he refused to talk to anyone. His pal Sam Watson, however, was very friendly. In fact, he wound up in every single picture anyone snapped.
Artie Pelullo brought cigars, wine and meatballs -- but only because I agreed to let him co-host next year's BBQ.
Everyone was happy to see that Robert Guerrero brought his wife, Casey.
After Harold Lederman bit into a rack of ribs, he exclaimed, "Jim, I gotta tell ya, these ribs are something special. The mixture of these ****es and sauce is just so impressive that I don't see anything beating it. With this kind of moisture and plate generalship, no question, it's the best lunch out here."
Antonio Margarito brought his own BBQ sauce. However, he said Javier Capetillo had made it and that he had no idea what was actually in it.
Comment