The complete and honest guide to every boxing weight class

[Beercules]

"I once went out with a girl who had a vag that was so big it had its own gravity pull, and was drawing in planets from light years away into its gravity wake. By plugging the gap with my old chap, I saved everyone from universal collapse. Do I ever get a thank you? I do not."


that part cracked me up.

[!! Anorak]

The weird thing is, Beer, that before it was "active", it was TINY. It was like I could hardly get my little finger in it (pinky, Fat Yank). But once I started working the magic, it became like a wormhole to another dimension.

I swear, one time I was giving her cunnilingus and I saw Stephen Hawking up there, taking notes and reading them out in his Speak And Spell voice.

[squealpiggy]

Literally the first boxing related post I have ever seen you post

I really should post more in NSB. After all I don't quite know how good Munny Mai is and could do with reading the semi-literate keyboard rattlings of an adolescent half-wit to learn more.

You're right, I forgot to talk about Andy Lee. He's just that memorable, isn't he?

I bet if you went round his parent's house and mentioned him, even his mum would be like "Andy who? Who's that again? Oh ****, yeah, my son, I forgot..."

I'm just staggered he's still even alive. He looks like the lad who works part time at the chippy.

[Sugar Adam Ali]

I really should post more in NSB. After all I don't quite know how good Munny Mai is and could do with reading the semi-literate keyboard rattlings of an adolescent half-wit to learn more.
.

You should post in history section

[Beercules]

The weird thing is, Beer, that before it was "active", it was TINY. It was like I could hardly get my little finger in it (pinky, Fat Yank). But once I started working the magic, it became like a wormhole to another dimension.

I swear, one time I was giving her cunnilingus and I saw Stephen Hawking up there, taking notes and reading them out in his Speak And Spell voice.

Hm I never heard of that happening. I'm yung doe.



Maybe you ruined her vagina for other guys Annie, that's a moral victory innit?

[Showtime..]

WELTERWEIGHT - RING ****ZINE RATINGS
CHAMPION: Floyd Mayweather Jr.
1. Kell Brook
2. Manny Pacquaio
3. Amir Khan
4. Tim Bradley
5. Keith Thurman
6. Shawn Porter
7. Marcos Maidana
8. Diego Chaves
9. Sadam Ali
10. Brad Solomon


Now, I kind of detest this division because so many of its members have resulted in NSB becoming the forum's equivalent of WorldStar or Ebaumsworld. Only last night I ranted about some clueless **** who decided the forum was missing its 185,546,894th thread about Floyd Mayweather.

Yet there's no denying that's the deepest talent pool going right now. Sure, the two most famous boxers there are aged, and with knackered legs ("the time is right") and they can be annoying. I'd like Floyd to prove, seriously PROVE, he was the "TBE". Not cherry pick, retire when things look rough, and insist that Marcos Maidana (a tough, rough but still ultimately second-tier fighter) wears pillows on his hands so he doesn't get hurt. His fanboys love to say such things don't matter, but, in all honesty... it does. A great fighter who never really stretched himself to the limit. The recent news that he was considering a rematch with DelaHoya says it all... business first, genuine achievement way down the line. That's not to say that his resume isn't good, even GREAT, but it's not the greatEST.

Pacquaio's also had his share of "catchweights", and was always "su****iously" good at his peak. I did have a nickname for him which began with the letters "PI", but the last time I said it in the lounge I got banned for a month, so fuck it.

Both, of course, are still very, very good, but give it two, three years and they'd start to lose. It helps that the new up-and-comers look decent. Porter's another Maidana type to me... a swarmer, a brawler. Might never be elite (or "the future"... blow me) but he's a solid guy.

Kell Brook looks genuinely decent, we'll see where he goes from here. Of course, the third most-discussed fighter on there is the guy with the shaky chin. Amir can do a lot of things that other boxers, even reputedly Pacquaio can't. I'm thinking the hand speed.... though I'm also thinking the way he can land flat on his arse at any given moment.

I've actually bummed more boxers in this division than nearly any other. I've bummed Floyd, I've bummed Manny, I've bummed Shawn Porter and I've bummed Amir. In fact, I even bummed Floyd a second time, though it appears my second bumming of Manny has been deleted. I probably need to bum Timothy Bradley, a fighter who I onced dubbed "Timothy Bad Chin", and I've yet to watch last night's. Can't Pat Russell get a hearing aid though?

The last three twats in this list I haven't seen, but that's due to me being a lazy prick. Another I haven't, disgracefully, seen, is Keith Thurman. Really, with a lot of these boxers, the "hype" is what puts you off. Seeing a 24/7 NSB thread creation of "Keith Thurman is so great his **** could puncture a whole in the fabric of the universe - FACT"; "Keith Thurman could KO Godzilla and King Kong on the same night" and "they should have let Keith Thurman take a dump on Hiroshima, his turds would have done more damage than an atomic explosion" makes me want to see the **** LESS, than more.

One thing I occasionally get accused of is being nationally biased, a charge I always reject. Although I'll sometimes get to see lower-tier boxers more from this side of the Atlantic (simply because they're cheaper to screen in the UK, and are sometimes free-to-air), what you fuckers have to understand is that sometimes I simply just like trolling.

I know, I know... it's a fucking shocker. But British fighters get dissed so often that it's next to no fun doing threads on them because you won't get a "bite". I remember doing my first "Amir's been KO'd" thread, and all I got was page after page of "fuck yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - k given, buddy." Where's the fun in THAT? Whereas, in contrast, when Pacquiao got KO'd against Marquez, I went to town and got a two-month ban for my troubles.

My point here is simply this: I've never seen Keith Thurman, I don't think. I don't know the guy. He's probably a great boxer, and someone I'd like to watch. But I hope - I pray to fucking God - he'll get KO'd soon, simply for the reason that it'll allow me to go into NSB and piss off at least 70% of the posters. That's the kind of **** I am.

VERDICT: Very good division, though the two top fighters are on their way out

Bruh u better not u mu'fuin uhhhh... I would change it but I haven't though about anything else 2 replace it.

[!! Anorak]

Ha ha, I'm just joking around with ya, my man, you know that now.

I think he's a decent fighter actually, a handful for anyone.

[!! Anorak]

JUNIOR LIGHTWEIGHT - RING ****ZINE RATINGS

CHAMPION: Vacant
1. Takashi Uchiyama
2. Takashi Miura
3. Roman Martinez
4. Fransisco Vargas
5. Javier Fortuna
6. Jose Pendraza
7. Bryan Vasquez
8. Orlando Salido
9. Romain Jacob
10. Rikki Naito

Who the fuck ARE these twats? I mean, Takashi Uchiyama - **** sounds like a keyboard, doesn't he?

Why the FUCK is this championship "vacant", anyway? Why aren't these stick insects twats getting it on? They could lay it all on the line for the WBC Intercontinential Who Gives A Fuck belt.

Roman Martinez, I think I've heard of him, but his ears look like they're being pulled away from his head by two magnets - he's no dish, is he? Orlando Salido, I may have seen him but, again, no dish.

When I'm looking at a list of ****s that weigh less than the average girl, I just can't get into it, you know? Particularly when its not one of the traditionally "big" divisions - featherweight, welterweight, middleweight, light-heavy (maybe), heavy. Those are your five. Plus the P4P dishes. In fact, we'll get to featherweight and there'll be people I can call a **** there, but in all honesty, I don't think I've seen a single one of these bastards.

Partly I feel guilty, like I've been remiss in not keeping up with my love of puglism. But mainly, I think... "ahhhhhhhh, fuck it." I mean, when someone doesn't weigh more than 130lbs, it's unlikely I'd be able to have a wank anyway, isn't it? No ****.

I... I've got nothing. I feel like I ought to offer you SOMETHING, you guys are looking to me and thinking "fuck me, every word I read here is like two tablets on Mount Sinai", but guys, I'm letting you down. I guess the only thing I can say is that No.10, Rikki Naito, is Japanese with an afro, and has a look in his eyes that reminds me of Sandy from that 1970s kung fu disco show, "Monkey":



That's all I've got. I have NO doubt that there's some racist pricks on this board that would do a routine about how boxing venues have a "no dogs allowed" ruling, and this division, with three Japanese fighters, is the reason why. But, frankly, I don't go in for that racist bullshit, so you won't find a remark like that here.


VERDICT: Do these daft ****s even get recognised in their own street?

[Sweet Pea 50]

Can't wait to see when Annie gets to the real little guys. Especially some of the Thai fighters.

There is a ranked SW named Knockout CP Freshmart.

[!! Anorak]

I saw that little **** when I was skim reading. I was just gonna end at this point, going "bunch of ****s", but I might carry on slagging 'em for a bit.