Trainer problems

[Allilang]

I have a problem with my current trainer that I need some advice about, or at the very least a second opinion.

Just for context, I am a 32 year old white female training in Korea. I am the only foreigner at my gym and the only female capable of sparring.

My trainer has a habit of going off onto 30+ minute lectures and this happened again on Friday. It started off innocently enough. He said it looked like I liked boxing and asked why I don't ask him questions. It caught me off guard and at first I didn't have an answer as to why I stopped but then when I thought about it, it was pretty clear.

He is always condescending to me. If I don't pick up something instantly he will just give up within a minute. I am horrible at mitts because he will give up and just say I need to practice after a minute or two and then not do mitts again with me for months.

When I practice alone or am sparring he will give me a tip. I will practice the way he said diligently, but then I become tired and will slip up once in a while. If he sees the slip up he will jump in and scold me like I was doing it wrong the entire time. If I tell him "I know and that was just one mistake" he will get angry and claim like I don't believe him.

I think this "not believing him" thing started because he would show me what I did wrong by wildly exaggerating his movements. He did this in such a way that only an idiot would perform. I would look at him swinging his body and arms wildly and say ".... I have never done that." It took almost a year to figure out he was just really bad at (or maybe insultingly) exaggerating my movements.

He also scolds me for trying things I learned on my own through watching other fighters or videos. He says I'm "playing" and to stop. However, when I spar people while doing what he says, I get my ass kicked.

This "playing" thing has gotten so bad that he once told me to get out of the ring when we started laughing when my partner made a funny expression when I caught him off guard. A few days later he said I was too slow. I told him my foot hurt and he made me get out of the ring even though I knew I could endure it. He said I can't learn anything if I cant operate at 100% and forced me out of the ring to my protest. The way he said it is like he is scolding a little child.

On Friday he also criticized how I had been learning for a year and a newer member was better than me. This made me very angry for 2 reasons. first, that new member got full attention and was allowed to spar almost every day while I did nothing but shadow boxing and watch for months. Now that he actually lets me spar more, I beat the man while doing non contact sparring. But then on the last minute the coach told the male fighter to go all out with real contact on the final minute and I could not compete with his strength.

I am supposed to be training for my first match in late February, and the next closest gym is over 40 minutes away.

I tried explaining my grievances but this just makes him treat me worse. If something was a misunderstanding he will lecture me about how he didn't misunderstand, even though he clearly did. (he cant speak English and my Korean isn't perfect)

There are many more things he does to me, but I will just stop here instead of writing a book.

Could this just all be my fault like my coach seems to think? Or is he a racist, ***ist man who I need to separate myself from asap?

[HeadBodyBodyBody]

.....

First of all, this might be better off in the Training & Nutrition section. [EDIT: It got moved ]

Finding the right coach is very important. The right coach should inspire confidence in you. The right coach should be able to communicate with you in a way that makes you "get it". Some people really respond well to negative pressure, and some people respond well to positive encouragement. Personally, I like to be told when I'm doing something wrong and to be punished for it, if I'm doing something right I usually know that already, I don't need people to congratulate me all day. But everyone's different.

Ultimately, if this coach is known for getting results and has good fighters under his tutelage, it might be worth sticking it out and working for his respect. Or maybe it's not worth it. Only you can decide.

[asgarth]

First of all, this might be better off in the Training & Nutrition section. [EDIT: It got moved ]

Finding the right coach is very important. The right coach should inspire confidence in you. The right coach should be able to communicate with you in a way that makes you "get it". Some people really respond well to negative pressure, and some people respond well to positive encouragement. Personally, I like to be told when I'm doing something wrong and to be punished for it, if I'm doing something right I usually know that already, I don't need people to congratulate me all day. But everyone's different.

Ultimately, if this coach is known for getting results and has good fighters under his tutelage, it might be worth sticking it out and working for his respect. Or maybe it's not worth it. Only you can decide.

had a no love kind of guy coach during my amateur days. He never gave me any praise at all and was always critizising me.
It was sometimes pretty annoying, but I just didnt really mind. It's who he is. Other fighters couldnt cope with his style and left after a while.

Nevertheless, I knew I did good, when he was saying something in the lines of "Well, it was ok. You didnt embarass me" haha

[Luilun]

I have a problem with my current trainer that I need some advice about, or at the very least a second opinion.

Just for context, I am a 32 year old white female training in Korea. I am the only foreigner at my gym and the only female capable of sparring.

My trainer has a habit of going off onto 30+ minute lectures and this happened again on Friday. It started off innocently enough. He said it looked like I liked boxing and asked why I don't ask him questions. It caught me off guard and at first I didn't have an answer as to why I stopped but then when I thought about it, it was pretty clear.

He is always condescending to me. If I don't pick up something instantly he will just give up within a minute. I am horrible at mitts because he will give up and just say I need to practice after a minute or two and then not do mitts again with me for months.

When I practice alone or am sparring he will give me a tip. I will practice the way he said diligently, but then I become tired and will slip up once in a while. If he sees the slip up he will jump in and scold me like I was doing it wrong the entire time. If I tell him "I know and that was just one mistake" he will get angry and claim like I don't believe him.

I think this "not believing him" thing started because he would show me what I did wrong by wildly exaggerating his movements. He did this in such a way that only an idiot would perform. I would look at him swinging his body and arms wildly and say ".... I have never done that." It took almost a year to figure out he was just really bad at (or maybe insultingly) exaggerating my movements.

He also scolds me for trying things I learned on my own through watching other fighters or videos. He says I'm "playing" and to stop. However, when I spar people while doing what he says, I get my ass kicked.

This "playing" thing has gotten so bad that he once told me to get out of the ring when we started laughing when my partner made a funny expression when I caught him off guard. A few days later he said I was too slow. I told him my foot hurt and he made me get out of the ring even though I knew I could endure it. He said I can't learn anything if I cant operate at 100% and forced me out of the ring to my protest. The way he said it is like he is scolding a little child.

On Friday he also criticized how I had been learning for a year and a newer member was better than me. This made me very angry for 2 reasons. first, that new member got full attention and was allowed to spar almost every day while I did nothing but shadow boxing and watch for months. Now that he actually lets me spar more, I beat the man while doing non contact sparring. But then on the last minute the coach told the male fighter to go all out with real contact on the final minute and I could not compete with his strength.

I am supposed to be training for my first match in late February, and the next closest gym is over 40 minutes away.

I tried explaining my grievances but this just makes him treat me worse. If something was a misunderstanding he will lecture me about how he didn't misunderstand, even though he clearly did. (he cant speak English and my Korean isn't perfect)

There are many more things he does to me, but I will just stop here instead of writing a book.

Could this just all be my fault like my coach seems to think? Or is he a racist, ***ist man who I need to separate myself from asap?

At 32 don't take it to serious your not going to get no where with this guy your best bet is wait to your back in the States as your probably in the Army

[Allilang]

First of all, this might be better off in the Training & Nutrition section. [EDIT: It got moved ]

Finding the right coach is very important. The right coach should inspire confidence in you. The right coach should be able to communicate with you in a way that makes you "get it". Some people really respond well to negative pressure, and some people respond well to positive encouragement. Personally, I like to be told when I'm doing something wrong and to be punished for it, if I'm doing something right I usually know that already, I don't need people to congratulate me all day. But everyone's different.

Ultimately, if this coach is known for getting results and has good fighters under his tutelage, it might be worth sticking it out and working for his respect. Or maybe it's not worth it. Only you can decide.

He bragged about how he trained over 1000 people but has no trophies. I am currently his best fighter because the last one just entered his mandatory army service.

I completely understand about showing someone something they are doing wrong and negative pressure, but this guy goes about it in the worst way possible. He doesn't show me accurately. (as I said before he wildly exaggerates it to the point I don't know what he is talking about) or he will show me to do something different, then the next day or one time 5 minutes later says I'm doing it wrong and shows me the way I was initially doing it.

He also gives up and stops teaching me for months at a time.

[Allilang]

At 32 don't take it to serious your not going to get no where with this guy your best bet is wait to your back in the States as your probably in the Army

I am not in the army and have no plans on returning to the states. In fact I fear one of the problems with him is cultural.

Age, position, gender are all extremely important. So as a man and a teacher and being older than me means he has 3 levels above me. This means he has to always be right, even when he is not.

I used to be scared of being hit, so during one time with a girl I was doing defense only while she attacked. I let her get more hits in to get used to it. The coach yelled at me after for boxing bad. I told him it was on purpose to get over my fear of being hit and he started a 30 minute lecture about how I was wrong.

Another lecture was after a misunderstanding. He is a male, older teacher, which automatically made him impossible of misunderstanding the situation.

I now believe his lectures are more to convince himself that he wasnt wrong than convince me.

[FlatLine]

Have you noticed if he singles you out and treats you very differently, or is he generally the same way with everyone? I guess if you're definitely being singled out and feel like you're being targeted by the coach unnecessarily, then you might soon want to consider another gym. There's no guarantee that things will be much better in a different gym but it's worth trying out.

Him saying that you're "playing" during a spar is a fair point because he wants you to concentrate. If you paused to laugh at something funny in a real fight you could get hurt. Telling you to get out of ring because your foot hurt is fair too otherwise you might develop a more serious injury. All the other stuff you mentioned is a bit strange for him to do so but also difficult to visualize without an actual video. I don't know, I'd stick with him for the time being, get through your first fight and see if his attitude changes after you win.

[Allilang]

Have you noticed if he singles you out and treats you very differently, or is he generally the same way with everyone? I guess if you're definitely being singled out and feel like you're being targeted by the coach unnecessarily, then you might soon want to consider another gym. There's no guarantee that things will be much better in a different gym but it's worth trying out.

Him saying that you're "playing" during a spar is a fair point because he wants you to concentrate. If you paused to laugh at something funny in a real fight you could get hurt. Telling you to get out of ring because your foot hurt is fair too otherwise you might develop a more serious injury. All the other stuff you mentioned is a bit strange for him to do so but also difficult to visualize without an actual video. I don't know, I'd stick with him for the time being, get through your first fight and see if his attitude changes after you win.

He definitely does single me out. Just giving a quote of what he said does not convey the tone of voice he uses when he says it. I am a 32 year old professional working woman and he reprimands me like a preschooler. This has been going on for about a year now, but the new preschooler type of treatment has pushed me over the edge.

[FlatLine]

He definitely does single me out. Just giving a quote of what he said does not convey the tone of voice he uses when he says it. I am a 32 year old professional working woman and he reprimands me like a preschooler. This has been going on for about a year now, but the new preschooler type of treatment has pushed me over the edge.

He doesn't sound like a good coach overall. Doing mitts, and then giving up if you make a mistake, only to resume months later - that's like the exact opposite of what a coach should do. If your student is deficient in any area, you should train more regularly to improve that area, not ignore it entirely for months. He sounds like an impatient and incompetent coach overall, maybe doesn't like you because you're a white female (as you alluded to) or it might just be a personality clash. Have you visited the other gym yet? 40 minutes isn't really that far, especially if you find that you can work with the coach a lot better it would be well worth the journey and your boxing would advance much more rapidly. Is it possible to try a few sessions at the other gym just to see how it compares?

[Allilang]

He doesn't sound like a good coach overall. Doing mitts, and then giving up if you make a mistake, only to resume months later - that's like the exact opposite of what a coach should do. If your student is deficient in any area, you should train more regularly to improve that area, not ignore it entirely for months. He sounds like an impatient and incompetent coach overall, maybe doesn't like you because you're a white female (as you alluded to) or it might just be a personality clash. Have you visited the other gym yet? 40 minutes isn't really that far, especially if you find that you can work with the coach a lot better it would be well worth the journey and your boxing would advance much more rapidly. Is it possible to try a few sessions at the other gym just to see how it compares?

I think he got a negative impression of me when I would say "I don't do that" after he did a poor impression of what I was doing. He took it to mean that I was disrespecting him. He would also tell me things that I still believe is wrong like saying that there is no pivot step in boxing and that I couldn't swing my left foot when making a left hook.

Anyway, after he got a bad impression of me for talking back. But I believe he did a very poor job in teaching and it took me almost a year to figure out what the problem was. I tried to salvage the relationship, but I am a woman and the student and younger, so that means I have no idea what I am talking about and he wouldn't listen to me.

I've tried doing everything his way, and clear up all misunderstandings but after Friday, and reading your advice, I think without a huge apology from him and a long heart to heart without him writing my grievances off before he hears them, I have no choice but to seek out another gym.